Ghana in Reverse (Four)

For a few days, I felt as if I were approximating someone with emotional and mental stability, but then I started to make sweets with reckless abandon and ate like a third of a bag of Pebbles for lunch just now and I feel insane again. I really like making dough fritters, partly because everyone loves them and it’s nice to know that I can contribute somehow. I know one day I will have bad knees and a bad back, so continuing to run in cheap tennis shoes on a washed-out, rocky dirt road seems like a bad idea (even above and beyond the fact that I hate running and always thought the international sign for “leave me the fuck alone” was to put on headphones, sunglasses, and a spartan expression but this is not actually international and if you are an obroni girl with short hair people are always curious about where you are going and why you are going there and why are you so tired you haven’t gone that far and it’s too hot to run after 8 am so I have to get up at 5:30 but I suppose it doesn’t really matter much anyway because Isaac the baby screams like a damn banshee starting around 6 so it’s cool and there’s nothing to do after it gets dark and the power’s out so I just go to bed at 8 pm and always get a lot of sleep except when I have the insomnia or I’m sick and peanut butter makes me gag now). I always hated running, but I’ve got imaginary monsters chasing me. Americans take elliptical machines for granted.

The funny thing about self-motivation is that production only works properly if you believe in the product. Socratic irony and dichotomy fascinate me. But: having no one to answer to on a daily basis, and still working for what is essentially a startup non-profit organization run by very young people is neither precise nor transparent (read: trying). I’m curious about how other similar organizations work. I can’t pretend to know a lot about what the best model for international aid work is, nor do I even have a clear opinion about the moral issue and I would like to be able to make an informed opinion. Oh, I’ve got opinions, but they’ve been shaped using only firsthand experience and opaque information. Actually… nevermind. That’s the way it is.

I remain skeptical (and I’m not alone). I am watching with eyes wide and mouth gaping.

[For the record: Believe it or not, I hold a fair amount back in these posts. If I give it all away here, I’ll have no more stories to tell in person. That would be a shame, because I have an expressive face and like to use my hands when I talk. *gesticulates wildly*]

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: