Ghana in Reverse (Eight)

This is new. Now I have a million fucking roommates and I’m pretty sure I only had three a few weeks ago. Nobody tells me anything. I just got used to being alone in this giant-ass house, not bathing, and not talking for days at a time. My newest roommate arrived in the middle of the night. (11 pm is the middle of the night for me.) This is a paraphrase of what I said to her before going back to bed: ‘Here’s the bathroom, there is no running water and the toilet leaks. You could use the bathroom next door, but you’ll have to walk around or climb the wall. This is your closet, sorry about the extra clothes. Keep the door closed, because there are cats around, and the only person who loved them enough to clean them is gone now. This is your bed, sorry it’s so small. Here are some sleeping pills if you want; I didn’t sleep for two days when I arrived. Not sure how strong they are, so you could take two. Welcome to Ghana.’ The next day, I took her to Cape to eat vegan food made by Germans, talk about sex, and visit a Rastafarian who calls himself Son of Man (whose given name I do not know, he won’t tell me, although I did guess his age correctly). She moved next door a few days later. I’m pretty sure it’s because of the running water.

The kids in Ankeful are still shouting that phrase at me when I walk through. I haven’t heard it in any other community and I don’t know what it means, although I’ve asked many people. Their mothers seem to scold them for it, so I’m not sure I want to know what it means anyway. Something about money? It is starting to get less rainy now, but it is still overcast almost all the time. The road to the site hasn’t been fixed. Before I left the States, I remember the woman who gave me all those shots telling me about what I should and should not do to avoid parasites and things of that nature. She mentioned never to walk or swim in freshwater. This makes me laugh. Clearly this woman has never lived in rural Ghana or anywhere else without a fully functioning stormwater drainage system because avoiding freshwater mixed with sewage is damn impossible here, even if the rains hadn’t washed out vehicular access to a specific destination and the only choices are to turn around or walk through. Hopefully, there isn’t anything sharp down there. She also told me never to eat fruits and vegetables that I couldn’t peel. This woman could be a comedian.

Ghana in Reverse (Seven)

We took a sledgehammer to the concrete wall between the houses. I wonder if the owners will mind. It makes it easier to get from the house to the kitchen, but I miss having the excuse to climb something. Running seems safer anyway. I can imagine far fewer opportunities to get a gnarly softball-sized bruise on the outside of my thigh from running. Climbing a wall in a tight cotton dress after two glasses of wine? More, probably. Lesson learned: unless under duress, never climb anything without a harness or a springy mat below.

Ghanaian dating culture is strangely like American dating culture, but simultaneously couldn’t be more different. I’m not unusually fond of either. For instance: If you want to get a girl in Ghana, you must call her at 6 am three times in a row, send eight text messages over the course of a few hours, and don’t forget to profess your undying love within a day of meeting her. Empress or Queen, either of these pet names will do. If you want to get a girl in the States, ignore her and pretend you aren’t interested. Take her out for a date and don’t call for two weeks, because you can’t seem like you enjoy her company. In fact, if you are confident, act like you think she’s stupid. That always works. If you want to get a guy in Ghana, or even if you don’t, make eye contact. If you want to get a guy in the States, or even if you don’t, make eye contact. Happy medians: who needs ’em?

I want to break all the mirrors in the house. Is that me? It doesn’t look like me. I can’t even tell who that is, is that me? This whole situation is disturbing. I’m not entirely sure what I can do about it at this point, probably because I feel as if I am under the influence of a mild dysmorphic psychosis. How interesting. Detachment and simultaneous over-involvement! Psychology is adorable.

Ghana in Reverse (Five)

A bunch of us went on a road trip to Togo and back. I had to be convinced to go because I really dislike traveling in a large group, but I need to get out more. The market here is a fluffy, fluffy bed of unicorn farts next to the one that we got lost in (although admittedly I didn’t have to think about hookworms in Lomé and I did get my foot run over that one time in Cape). We had a Lebanese barbecue, smoked hookah, couldn’t avoid an incredibly uncomfortable political conversation, found a free beer fest, went hiking, and rode a swing shaped like a penis. Also, a few lovely ladies gifted me with good juju in the form of a bottle opener carved from ebony wood.

There are tiny ants everywhere. They are so miniscule, they live in my laptop and crawl out from the keyboard when I open it up. It doesn’t seem to make a functional difference, but DVDs don’t play anymore. I don’t think it’s actually related because those ants are really, really tiny.

I’ve discovered a second alter ego. She had a shit fit around 7 one morning and came out swinging, cursing and screaming (and crying of course because that’s apparently how I roll here). Quote of the morning: “Bitch, that ain’t my job!” It’s fascinating what a person does when they’re inhibitions aren’t functioning that well. It’s a little embarrassing to think about it, as many things are, but I do enjoy that I thought it was funny even while it was happening. I am a walking sitcom. It’s a good thing life starts so early, otherwise I would have woken everyone up. There are no secrets in this house anyway.

Frankie hasn’t had the opportunity to show up since I’ve been here. At first, I was happy to know I wouldn’t need to deal with his drunk frat boy act (and it is still nice to know that at least my current co-workers probably won’t meet him), but I think everyone has a part of their life that is largely misunderstood and Frankie is one of mine. Damn it, I am frustrated. Don’t get me wrong: I wish Frankie hadn’t shown up in the first place, years ago, but he makes me feel normal in a strange way. I miss that cocky bastard.

Also, I think way, way too much.